march 19-i felt soo bad

March 19, 2008 - Wednesday
i felt so bad 1 week 1 day Current mood: distractable
so sean and i got up this morning and went ot see owen. he was on the lights for a bit then they took him off for what ended up being the rest of the day. then we headed to my parents house to spend some time with vinny. he has been asking for me and i got lots of hugs today. ;) i miss my big guy,. i feel bad cuz he wants me to pick him up soo badly and i tried (even though im not supposed too) but it hurt too badly. he got to wrestle with sean though and they had a blast beating eachother up all day.lol. i bet he missed that. ;))
we were told owen had one residual with feeding yesterday when he was upped to 21 cc of food and that he partially digested it so they pulled it back up and did x rays and he appears to be fine and they waited for his next feeding ot come around and he was fine with the next one and the ones after that. so today they upped his food to 24 cc today and tomorow he should be on what they consider to be full feeds (i beleive its 1 oz). tonight when we went back after getting back in town from bremerton we were there to watch when they put his tube down his throat so he could eat and he started gagging and crying. i wanted to cry. i felt soo bad. i was trying to calm him down. he kept spitting it back up. he likes ot swallow a lot of air with his feedings they said. it was a bigger tube this time too as the other one they said is too small now for the amount of food he is getting. it broke my heart...he just kept looking at me with water filled eyes. he was not comfortable at all and he had never looked like that before during feeding. afterwards a lil bit cam out his nose and mouth. i know the nurses will watch him and make sure he is ok but i didnt want to elave but sean was tired and so he dragged me away. i felt soo bad leaving him afte rhe knew i was there and seeing him not feeling ok. i felt horrible! so hopefully the food wont come up anymore and everything will be ok and hopefully tomorow will go better....
oh and he is up in weight from 2 lbs 13.2 oz to 2 lbs 13.8 oz. so not up much but still up. they said once he gets to full feeds they can add extra calories into the breastmilk and hopefully then he will get some meat put onto those scrawny legs and arms. ;))