april 4th-24 days old

April 4, 2008 - Friday
24 days old 4-4-08 Current mood: frustrated
so today was a long frustrating day and while i should be asleep as i am exahusted from running back and forth and from being upset i am sittting here as maybe writing it all out will help me sleep. This is how my day started........
i went to the hospital to see owen and do his 9am feeding and when i got there Nurse Janet asked me if i wanted ot hear the good news i was excited to hear what it was. not only was he now full bottle feed which now leaves one more requirement (no more bradys for 5 days) before we can go home but they wanted to try having me breastfeed 2xs a day starting that feed since i had said it was something id like him to know how to do so i dont have ot be home every 3 hrs of the day (seriously how am i supposed to go anywhere that way?!) she told me she doesnt exepect him to do much as it would be his 1st real time doing it and he’d probably just get frustrated but after about 5 mins he had a good latch and didnt let go and stayed on for 20-25 mins. they were all impressed with how well he did. i was stoked and left happy looking fwd to the 3pm breastfeeding time but when i got there for that thats when my day went downhill.....
i got all set upt o breastfeed againa nd he was soo hungry as he was sucking vigerously on his hand, my hand, his blanket before i took him out of his crib so im thinking it was going to go as well as earlier....it DIDN’T!! He cried and refused to latch on but kept trying to suck on my hand and his and so i asked for help they told me to hold on. waited and kept trying myself while he kept getting more upset. he had got past the "let down" part as there was milk coming out but he owuldnt latch and so after 30 mins i asked AGAIN for help. sat there with him crying and getting cold as they had me get him naked to feed him and he was getting frustrated and iw as getting frustrated so finally after AN HOUR AND A HALF i got up put him back in his crib and go thim dressed and wrapped his cold body up in a warm blanket and i grabbed my shirt and went over to a nurse and said he didnt latch on AT ALL and is starving so please make my son a bottle. and i went and pumped and changed all while breaking down. now i know i shouldnt expect him to get it right away as it is something new but i was so frustrated that i had asked TWICE and still had to sit there for over an hour whiel my poor lil guy was getting codl and was ever so hungry. by the time they made his bottle it was TWO HOURS AFTER when he was supposed to start eating. i was soo upset i left as i couldnt be there anymore and i had to go to my parents to get vinny anyways. i also know i probably got soo upset since i am soo tired and worn down and emotional but still it all seemed a bit much to me. i thought they were there to help. that nurse that took over janet who was supposed to be helping me i do not like now. she didnt even introduce herself to me at all. she asked if i was shenefelt and i said yes and she walked away adn i didnt see her after that until she made Owens bottle. GGGGRRRR!
so as i kind of want to say that i will just bottle feed him and screw putting him to breast i dont want to give up that easily as ive never been a quitter. and when he did do well the 1st time he didnt DESAT or have any BRADYS which he usally does when he bottle feeds so breastfeeding could reduce/prevent these then he could go home that much sooner. its just frustrating.
well, thank you for letting me vent about my awful day. i am going to go pass out on the bed once i move vinny from the middle of it. ;)