july 22nd-torn....

July 22, 2008 - Tuesday
descisions/torn Current mood:conflicted
so as many of you know Owen has slept through the night for months now, actually he sleeps from 1030PM until 1030/11 A.M. EVERYDAY and then eats and goes back to sleep....LAZY BOY! ;)) Anyways, Sean wants to stick him in his own crib now and i want too but then again i dont. I know he is fine as his apnea monitor has never gone off and he is 4 mths now, heck some nights we dont even turn it on as his bassinett touches my side of the bed, but to stick him in a room all by himself?! After all he's been through it jsut scares me even thoguh i KNOW he is fine and i know sooner or later i have to put him in his own room as his bassinett only holds 20 lbs and he's about 15 now so couldnt i just wait?! I said if i stuck him in his own room i woudl stick him on the apnea monitor instead of the regular one for a bit until i get ocmfortable but i am torn cuz i also said i am not going to be one of those moms who relies on one of those until hes 2 or longer. i said 4 mths would be good and yet despite not always turning it on having him in his own room makes me nervous. i am sure this is normal for anyone who has had a preemie and had to endure all that we did but i would jsut liek to say i could stick him in there with regular rmontiors and still sleep...but yet i cant say that.
there really is no question im getting at but wanted to vent about how torn i am over it. sean says he'll be fine..which i know deep down he will be but i still feel like it was just yesterday we brought him home from the NICU and i dont want to let him out of my sight for that long. Sat for our anniversary was the longest i have ever been away from him (12 hrs) and i know he was in VERY good and capable hands as him and vin were with whittnee but i still called her like 10 times to check in. i never did that with vinny. i just dont know....i suppose in time ill gain the strenght i need to be away from him but im not sure now is the time.....